When you hear the word “boundaries,” what do you immediately think of? What emotions accompany the word? What images play in your mind?
Many people have a negative response to the idea of Boundaries. They do not want to be told what to do, or how to live. They think of boundaries as limits imposed upon them by others. In a sense, this is true; that is one way to look at boundaries. If you are a child, the rules or expectations placed on you by your parents or other adults are definitely boundaries. As an adult, rules or codes of conduct, such as at your workplace, are boundaries. Laws are another good example.
However, boundaries don’t have to be a bad thing! Don’t forget that the nozzle on your water hose is a boundary. It focuses the water into a high pressure spray that would not be possible if the water was free to flow normally.
If you decide you want to make an A+ on your next assignment, or if you are aiming for having the highest number of sales in your department at work, those are also boundaries. Setting your goal higher than necessary is a concept we call Margin of Error. A margin of error is a boundary that you set for yourself so that even if you cross it, you have not crossed the “real” line. For example, a guard rail on a bridge is a margin of error.
To put it into simple terms, one of our instructors describes it this way: “Margin of Error is the distance between the ‘stop here’ and the ‘uh-oh!’.” It doesn’t sound very professional to say it like that, but it paints a true picture of our meaning. If you try to keep at least $100 in your bank account “just in case,” that is a margin of error. If you try to get to work 15 minutes early, instead of just being on time, that is a margin of error.
Remember: Trying to live a life without boundaries is like trying to keep water on a table without a cup.
Boundaries can be limits, but they can also be tools to help you go farther and stay safe. Planning and setting goals may not sound like fun, and sometimes it isn’t. But if you don’t set your own boundaries, it’s a fact that someone else will set them for you.